This Is Marriage

It's always bothered me that I ended my Hong Kong blog with a post about my dog. That was never my intention. My intention was to end it by summing up the whole experience, share the lessons I had learned.  But the night before we left, sitting up in bed next to a sleeping Eugene, computer screen glowing in my lap, words failed me. I just couldn't string anything together to make those 18 months make sense. Once tucked back into my comfortable, repatriated life in Apex the distractions of a new house, school routines and my social circle stopped me from closing out that blog. I thought maybe on the one month of our return, the one year anniversary, the originally planned date of return, I could re-visit Detoured: Hong Kong, but like a fast moving current, time swept those days away making any kind of summation pointless, nothing but an old memory that means nothing except to those who were actually there.

So, there I was, finally re-adjusted, living "the peak of good living" in Apex, my full size fridge stuffed with groceries from Harris Teeter,  a SUV in the garage waiting for the pressure of my foot on the gas pedal, my calendar filled with play dates and volunteer commitments.  The kids chasing each other around trees in the yard, my husband walking through the door every evening instead of jetting off to meetings in India, Thailand, Japan. Life was reeking of stagnant comfort.  Like the smell of rain in the air, change, it was a coming  It landed as a text on my phone.  Kentucky.

Kentucky? Another move, that was no surprise. Kentucky? That was. And no longer was my husband going have a role in finance. He was going to be a plant manager. A plant manager? How odd those words fell from my lips. I dated an accounting student. The guy at the top of his accounting class slipped an engagement ring on my finger. As newlyweds he earned the title of CPA. Through the years I have been married to an internal auditor, a financial analyst, the corporate controller.  Lead pencils and calculators have always been part of our lives.  You are now telling me that during tax season I can no longer make stupid jokes about sleeping with my accountant? Plant Manager. This will take some getting used to.

My initial reaction is to be tickled and giddy.  Kentucky?  Who would have thought?  And the move is still so far off, there's plenty of time to get worked up about it.  But my friends, their reaction is immediate and unhappy.  "Tell him to go himself," said one. "Tell him to commute. You are happy here. The kids are happy here.".

Commute? What an interesting concept, not totally unheard of by other couples. I know of many a husband who travel the nation weekly, landing on their own doorsteps Friday night only to take their place in the airport security line come Monday morning. Could that arrangement work for us?

One night shortly after the announcement, I found myself carefully walking down the moonlight stairs of our home into the darkness of our living room.  I sat on the couch, looking out at the newly built nature park behind us.  At night, the park is pure charm.  Looking at the soft glow of the park lights amongst the trees, I started to think about Eugene's family.  I thought about his dad, a big, strong, retired cop who fell ill unexpectedly and passed away shockingly too soon.  I thought about my mother-in-law and I thought about how she would give everything, give anything for one more day with her husband, her Eugene.  Why was I ever entertaining this though of commuting? Why would I ever think about living apart?  There will come a day when we are separated, not by choice, and like my mother-in-law, we will wish for just one more day. No, commuting would not work for us. Our family, all of us, would be Kentucky bound.

This is marriage, folks!  On our wedding day we took these vows to love, honor and support one another.  Can you think of a better example?  I said it when faced with Hong Kong, and I'm saying it again now, I could never spend the rest of my life looking at my husband, knowing I denied him an opportunity to grow, to expand his horizons, to challenge himself.  If I squashed that in Eugene, I would be squashing some of what I love best about Eugene.

So here we are, in the Bluegrass State.  And though not nearly as glamorous or exciting as Hong Kong, it's a new adventure still. In this adventure we speak the language, there is no currency to convert and I will drive my own car to the grocery store. So, for those of you who asked, there will be another blog, and new observations, and new stories to tell, all from my new Kentucky home. Enjoy!